Four New Ways to Measure Success in Uncertain Times

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS

What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.
~ Brené Brown

All the change and uncertainty of our current day to day life is exhausting. I see this cry all over social media, my friends confess how weary they are. I feel it too. And I see how I grasp for my plans, my schedule, my rhythms — anything to create some certainty and focus.

So it begs a question, if we can’t go through our day, our lives, or be in our work in our normal or usual ways, how do we gauge our progress and success? Or do we just throw our hands up and succumb to the frustration and pain of it all? I think I can offer us some new ways to be in this time, that feel gentle and generous.

In this article, I offer your four questions. These questions are rich; if we allow them they can be kind guides that will hold our hands in this time of uncertainty. They are also meaningful barometers for measuring how well we are treating ourselves. And these questions, if you allow them, will help you be more present in your life. Because heaven knows that using our old/ other measures of success — like how much we got done, or how much progress we made will keep us feeling lousy. The truth is our current levels of capacity are different then they once were.

So why not give one of these Q’s a whirl this week. Just one. See which one is calling you, which one moves you or feels like it could be a friend right now.

Self care is essential

I define self care as meeting my needs. In any given season of my life this varies. I also don’t do baths (ever) — it doesn’t meet a need, in fact it makes me crazy, but chocolate and a glass of red wine do fit my list.

There seems to be endless triggers to our state; the news offering updates on this or that, schools making changes to keep kids and teachers safe, your favorite local restaurant closing, or your Friday night book club cancelled. And with our triggers come a reaction.

Can I offer this question, this self check in for these times?

What do I need right now to be in this moment with a little more comfort or self-compassion?

Keep this question close at hand, post it on the fridge or write it on a sticky note that you post to your laptop.

What would change if you added this new measure into your life? A measure where you took regular inventory of what you needed and then met this need?

The futility or hopelessness in uncertainty

There is this undercurrent I notice in myself sometimes, this question of “why bother?” Be curious to see if this quiet inner question gnaws at you too.

Maybe this question shows up in your work asking if what you’re doing really matters. For others, this question may show up in the evening as they consider what to do or not do, for some some it will show up when they look at their workout schedule then check to see if they have the energy for it. This feeling of “what’s the point” is real, and it’s a question whose answer looms; it frames a feeling, a state that we’re in right now.

This short five minute video sparked the following question that I love:

What do I need to feel more alive right now?

This question differs from the one above. This question invites us to connect to our spirit and nurture the part of us where purpose resides. Even if you don’t know have an answer I think that’s okay, it’s enough to simply wonder.

I’m curious what would change if you added this question into your life, and you measured a day by attending to your own aliveness? What would shift over time, if our spirits received this gentle inquiry?

Isolation or connection?

We’re just a little bit (a lotta bit) more isolated these days. Even for the introverts I know, they tell me that while they’re comfortable with the spaciousness they have, they’re past a point where the lack of connection isn’t healthy for them anymore. And they also see it would be simple to stay where they are.

We are human, and by our very design we are nurtured by connection. And we all have our helpful, and less helpful ways of meeting this need.

So I offer the following question in two forms — one a passive inquiry and one more active. Play with both!

Passive — “Whose presence am I missing today?”
Active — “Who is on my heart or mind that I want to connect with today?”

Both questions start from inside us, where we sense into the vacancy and identify who matters to us that we miss. We tune into the invisible threads that weave us all together. And then notice, if there is a nudge or initiation within you to reach out. You don’t need to know “why” it’s there, only to notice it and then maybe to act on it.

What would change if we measured our day in nourishing connection?

It’s tiring trying to hold it all together.

Uncertainty is exhausting. It’s what I call a “pattern interrupt”. When our days are about making plans and getting stuff done, and we can’t do so in the same ways as before, it puts a big wrench in things. Pattern interrupts can be helpful in pointing out where we’ve been living habitually, because it awakens sleepy ways. And pattern interrupts are also tiring because our old ways of creating control or structures are less helpful and new ways aren’t yet available.

So in these tiring times, it can be helpful to lean into the rhythms, a.k.a. invisible structures or the physical structure to relax or rest.

The question is:

“What structure can I lean on right now?”

I like to lean into the invisible structure of my morning rhythm of making myself a latte. I more or less follow the same path towards the espresso machine, and always love my warm latte. I am starting to slow this rhythm down and lean on its predictability. I do the same with my yoga mat. It lies outstretched in my office, reminding me I can lie on it and follow it’s invitation.

What would change for you if you scanned for those moments each day where you let yourself lean back or in?

These four questions may feel new. Or odd. Or insufficient. New ways often do. But our current ways are worn thin too, so courage to you as you explore and stay on your path.

In closing — the quote at the top — I think it really matters right now. As we meet up with the rawness of our humanity more and more in these times, it matters that we measure the support we’re giving ourselves to be in it. I hope we’re well past the point of needing to “prove” to ourselves that we can endure. While I know that the human spirit is resilient, I also know the human spirit is precious and we ought to measure if we’re taking care of it.

I hope this post has offered you some new ways to measure your success in the day to day. I would love to know how you are faring these days and what’s helping you sustain yourself! We’re all in different situations too — so please leave a comment and share what’s going on for you!