Do You Believe You Need to Work Hard to be Successful?
MUST SUCCESS COME OFF THE BACK OF HARD WORK?
Photo by Esther Ní Dhonnacha on Unsplash
I come from a family of artists. Photography, mixed media art, beeswax candles, collage, pottery, jewelry and the list goes on.
My creativity expresses itself in my work as coach. When I’m working with accomplished women who want to weave in more joy, ease or spaciousness into their lives, I taste my own genius and greatest joy.
My work leans fully on metaphor. Metaphors are not only a creative and playful way to facilitate change and transformation (and central to the Integral Coaching Method), they also powerfully enable clients to make conscious unseen and unhelpful patterns. And what becomes seen through the use of metaphors can awaken curiosity and allow my clients to create change without the harsh edges of self-judgement and shame that can erode our efforts.
And you? Do you enjoy the creativity of a metaphor? If so, I offer you the following quote:
“We sleep, but the loom of life never stops, and the pattern which was weaving when the sun went down is weaving when it comes up in the morning.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher
What comes up for you when you read this?
And what patterns are you consciously weaving into your life right now?
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In this article I explore a particular strand of belief that is prevalent amongst accomplished women. This strand is woven through my own tapestry and I’d venture to say, it’s woven into yours as well.
This strand of belief is beautiful and powerful and it’s allowed you to do incredible things. And today I invite you to see this strand, because, if not woven in consciously is full of challenge. Revealing it will allow you to choose how or if (you want to continue) to want weave it in.
WHAT IS THIS STRAND OF BELIEF?
This belief is pervasive in our culture, and is woven into so much of what and how we work. It goes something like this:
The key to success is hard work and determination.
Where do you see it woven into our culture?
I know I do. I see it as far back as my grandparents (but know it existed even in their parents), who came to Canada as immigrants full of determination to make a fresh start. It’s deeply woven through the lives of my parents who were entrepreneurs and successful in business. I can feel how this thread is a part of my own life tapestry.
There is no getting around hard work. And if you want something, stay hungry, stay determined. Or so the sayings go.
How has this belief been woven into your life?
Take a moment to list out all the sweet accomplishments you’ve made in your life. Notice how this belief was woven in.
How did it express itself in your learning and educational pursuits?
How does it express itself in your home, and what you expect of yourself day to day (even on the weekends)?
Did it influence your choice of life partner, or colleagues?
Do you talk about it with your kids?
You and the loom of your life.
This is the kind of inquiry I invite.
To reflect on what beliefs thread themselves through your life.
To make visible and conscious the strands already weaving themselves in day after day as you sit at the loom of your life.
To notice how your hard work, determination, commitment, and willingness to put in long hours are fueled by this belief.
To connect to your body that is full of drive and ready to do the hard work.
Why does this matter?
Because you have the choice to weave in anything you want, and make the most epic tapestry you desire.
And you can decide how “hard work” weaves in.
DO YOU WANT TO REDEFINE SUCCESS?
I told my husband last night (as I was talking about the content of this letter) something like the following:
“Effort-filled work and determination are a part of being successful, and I choose to raise our boys so they embrace these beliefs — they’re a non-negotiable.
And, I will invest an equal amount of energy, if not more, ensuring this belief is not KEY to success, rather one of multiple strands of what make success possible for myself, my children and the women I support.”
It matter that we redefine success and weave in other ways of working!
Hard work and determination are NOT key to success.
Hard work and determination are not key to success, important yes, but not key. This belief, while it weaves it’s way through my work and life, I am very conscious about how I weave this one through.
To redefine your experience of making success a reality you’ll need to spend some time contemplating the limits of this belief and what will be difficult, if not impossible to achieve if these strand remains pervasive in your tapestry.
Know the limits of hard work and determination.
You’re smart, so I know you see the limits.
Burnout and exhaustion are always top of mind for me.
I offer these questions to muse upon about what’s especially tricky about this belief if hard work is held as key to success:
If your success is born of hard work, and you feel confident working this way, when you choose to do less or rest, will you also feel confident in the benefit of rest (or is it simply a means to work harder later)?
If your success is born of determination, and you’re used to advancing the agenda, how easy is it to invite in collaboration, or help, or to pause and be still and access the hope that it’s not actually all up to you?
If hard work and determination are signs of your commitment, if you learn ways that are more ease-filled or joyful, how fully will you believe it’s possible to work in this way? Can ease be a part of commitment?
Part of what I’ve discovered along with my clients about the challenges of hard work is that when we aren’t working “hard” we are in a state of dis-ease. Ease is foreign to working hard and doesn’t play nicely with this belief.
We are a work in progress
It’s true — it’s not the abandonment of hard work or determination that I’m advocating for, rather for the chance to include other threads in to reduce the reliance of those two as key.
What else would you weave into your tapestry to support your way of working and living?
I’d love to know. and hope you’ll share in the comments.