Do You Need To Be (More) Unapologetic?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING SORRY FOR?

"I'm unapologetic not because I'm strong-willed or overconfident, I'm unapologetic because this is it; this is my life."
— Jean Seberg

A starfish is an interesting metaphor for being unapologetic; she takes up her space as she is. This has it’s costs yet, for a starfish, should an “arm” be hurt or bitten off, she — like us, can regenerate. This is a remembering that matters as we explore living (more) unapologetically.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE UNAPOLOGETIC?

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines unapologetic as: not apologetic: offered, put forward, or being such without apology or qualification.

Imagine a life without apology or qualification? Oh the possibility!

Canadians are known for saying sorry — yes, I exited my mother’s womb apologizing for the mess I’d made. It’s what we do. And as a woman, it’s what I’ve learned to do because there’s a way (that some think) I’m expected to be.

Can we challenge expectations and explore why a New Way is important?

WHY DOES IT MATTER THAT WE LIVE UNAPOLOGETICALLY?

Does living unapologetically matter because we arrive at some point in our life and decide the rest of our life must be decidedly different?

Perhaps.

Having recently turned 50, this number (in all her glory) feels a life marker that begs me to live (even) more intentionally. This reason matters, but it’s more than that.

Does living unapologetically matter for women because it’s time for the long overdue swing of the pendulum out of a patriarchal system that tells women how to be in the world?

Definitely. This holds merit, especially if we feel we need to be a certain way in order to be accepted. (that’s B.S.) However, to live a New Way of life as an overcompensation for an earlier expression of self doesn’t quite get to the heart of “why”.

Is living unapologetically about playing bigger or not being small and taking up space?

Maybe, but what if we actually want to take up different space or less space? Is that okay?

Wholeheartedly, I’d like to offer that it matters for all the reasons above and more.

What feels most compelling — is that it is time for you, as a woman to feel that you are whole and sufficient exactly as you are. And that to live unapologetically means your precious energy is no longer used living outdated stories about who you are that require apology.

You deserve to have all your energy go into realizing the agenda that matters to you.

No more looking over your shoulder to see if you’ve done the “right” thing.

Gone are the sleepless nights wondering if you’ve offended the neighbor in that conversation you had yesterday about what happened in the community on the weekend.

No more second guessing if you’ve explained yourself well enough on your IG post.

No more apology for boundary setting with your partner.

No more.

MYTHS WORTH BUSTING

To explore what it might look and feel like to be unapologetic, let’s touch on some myths. This is good terrain to explore because it still matters very much that we show up on the planet in ways that matter to us. As you read, scan for what resonates — or is missing; I’d love to know if you’ve got some of your own myths as well.

Being unapologetic means you’re selfish.

Or does it mean you’re clear your needs matter like everyone else’s do, and that sometimes you’ll prioritize them? (Because you have great skills in discernment.)

Being unapologetic means you’re a bitch.

Or does it mean you know in your heart of hearts you’re a kind human with solid intentions and you don’t put extra time into proving this to be true? Can it also mean you have boundaries, can say no and risk disappointing others?

Being unapologetic means you’re irresponsible.

Or does it mean you’re clear on what matters and why, and are committed to living out your values as priority? And to do so means you’re deeply involved in some activities and allow others to work on theirs?

Being unapologetic means you’re arrogant and loud and take up all the space.

Or does it mean that in some places you take up more space and others you take up less? In some places you are quiet and others you are louder and maybe it will be messy and inconvenient figuring this out?

Being unapologetic means your inner voice will take over, say mean shit, and you’ll be isolated and alone because you’ve offended everyone.

Or does it mean that some won’t fully understand parts of you and you’ll find new people who wonder where you’ve been and are so grateful for what you said (they feel it too)? And that you’ll always choose to believe that you belong and it matters that you’re here.

COMMITTING TO UNAPOLOGETICALLY REALIZING WHAT MATTERS TO YOU

What myths do you hold about living unapologetically?

And are there things you worry about?

Can you give them some space for expression so you can, as this quote above suggests “be unapologetic because this is it, your one sweet life”?

I’d love to hear what this letter has brought up for you. Would you drop your comments below?